Tuesday, Oct 30th.  Miltenberg in the rain.  Cold rain.  But first came the Emergency drill, complete with life preservers.  Ridiculous.  I could wade ashore.

Then a thorough glass shaping demonstration on board.  Flames.  The salesman explained that he personally knew the person who provided the flame detection devices on board.  “They don’t work.”  Ha ha.  The demo was long and he strayed often from the point.  But it sure worked.  Lots of sales.

Tour of Miltenberg.  The guide enjoyed his own laughter a little too much though some of his jokes were indeed funny.  Beautiful little town, even in the rain.  The guide provided lots of little details that you’d miss without him.  We saw the oldest hotel in Germany, perhaps the world.  It’s main claim to fame?  Elvis slept there while he was in the Army.  We had beers at the pub in the hotel.  Big mugs, very German.  Then I bought a hat (a fairly required action for me.)  And Apple Strudel to go which I plan to have tomorrow for breakfast.  Others bought cuckoo clocks.  Even in the rain it was a great day in a small genuine German town.

We bused to where the ship would be, only to learn that the ship was delayed in a lock.  So we waited 45 minutes in the bus.  I’m tired of buses.  

Monday, Oct 29th.  Heavy overcast, so photos aren’t great.  Quite cold.   

Bus to riverboat, whose crew never tired of pouring drinks.  Lunch included perhaps the driest chicken I’ve ever had.  But they had drinks.  The deserts were excellent.  Especially with the drinks.

A two hour cruise down the Rhine, castles everywhere.  What was perhaps more surprising were the vineyards, on impossibly steep slopes.  Colorful too.  I never thought I’d say I had my fill of castles, but today it happened.  The small towns were really pretty too.

Passed the famous Lorelei Mountain, owner of various legends.  Had a statue, near the water’s edge, of Lorelei.

After debarkation, we bused to Marksburg Castle, the only one never captured or damaged.  Very interesting tour.  Store sold Schnapps. Yum.

Returned to the ship, and it departed!!  The tour began in Amsterdam, but the cruise begins now!  Tomorrow Miltenberg.

Early breakfast was beyond  fine.  The toaster was a challenge but I figured it out.  Announcement of the tour to Mainz was at 8:30, for an 8:45 departure.  At 8:50 Gabor said the buses were on the way.  At 9:05 we were all called to the bar for an Announcement.  Traffic accident was going to delay departure until after lunch.  The elite eight, accompanied by a few other brave souls, went on a walkabout along the river and also viewed a “Pleasure Palace” and an old castle, built in the 1300s but bought and rebuilt in 1805. Built to impress, not to defend.  Really very interesting.

After lunch we finally departed to downtown Mainz.  Besides a great tour in very cold weather, we had a history-tinkling demostration of the Gutenberg press.  Worth all the delays and disruptions as far as I’m concerned.  We also tasted some unfermented wine-based grape juice.  A first for us.

Dinner was far too much fun. The food was secondary to the conversation.  We compared some Fess Parker wine I’d brought with the offered Rhone blend.  Parker won, hands down.  (Was there any doubt?)  Also met some wonderfully interesting people from various USA locations.  As I’ve lectured throughout the world, “We’re all just people”. Placing people into specific niches is an error in judgement.

Yes, the cruise has not followed routine.  But we’re having fun, so who cares?

Saturday, Oct 27th.  Bus transfer from Amsterdam to Mainz/Wiesbaden. Keynotes for Amsterdam was steep steps and cobblestones.  Keynotes after one day with the rest of the ship’s passengers appear to be sloooow and late.  There are some genuine seniors on board, which I frankly applaud, in spite of their speed.  I’ll be them in 20 (10?) years.  Nice bus, excellent roads.  interesting scenery.

Cologne lunch was beer and some food.  It was okay, but not Viking-worthy.  Walking tour was extremely good.  Guide was fun and funny.  The city deserves far more than two hours.  Cathedral was hard to grasp.  Enormous.  Needs a power wash in the worst way.  Guide said he had never seen it without some scaffolding.  Reminiscent of roads in LA.

Bus to Mainz was quick.  Arrived in total darkness.  Our group of eight is finally together.  After arrival, we repositioned to Wiesbaden from Mainz.  Tomorrow we do a walking tour of Mainz, then free time.

Crew was everything I expect from Viking.  Just wonderful.  Meal was excellent.  Desert addition (melted chocolate cake!) done without hesitation.  Bar service proactive (“Your champagne bottle is too warm.  I’ll cool it down.”)

We’re in a two room suite; a bribe to get Yoriko to retire.  Best part; free laundry service.  Second best; all day free wine/beer.  

Honestly, the bus ride was as bad as any bus ride.  As with water levels, I can’t really fault Viking for it.  But everything else as just fine.  A great start.

Friday, Oct 26th. No pictures.   (Thanks to my friend Rick for the inspiration for the title.)  Ugly day, winds and occasionally rain.  Departed our AirBnb via Mercedes Benz van.  Arrived at the pier per instructions, off-loaded bags.  After 30 minutes in the cold wind, Viking reps put us in a taxi for a one mile drive to the Movenpick Hotel.  Checked in, met the cruise director (Gabor), told our rooms weren’t ready, had drinks at the bar, had lunch, etc.  My sister arrived from the airport and shortly thereafter departed to walk around Amsterdam and visit the Anne Frank House.  Napped.  Dinner at 7:00.  Bottomless wine glasses.  Given a schedule for tomorrow.  Met nice people who had been on 14 river cruises, some that had been diverted due to high water.  As I’ve said, Mother Nature will have her little fun.  In perspective, a boring day.  But still interesting.

Tomorrow, two long drives with a Cologne Tour and lunch in between.  We’ll meet our ship in Mainz.  It’s all good.

Thursday, Oct 25th.  Museumed out.  Sore feet.  Cobblestones.  Good times!

Scattered rain all day didn’t slow bikers.  Indeed, I think they peddled faster.  Van Gogh Museum was within easy walking distant, much like everywhere else here.  Modern building, well organized entry.  (Nearly every museum has a free cloak room.)  Audio aid was 5 Euro, which we passed on.  Wisely I think.  The museum is overwhelming in detail.  For people who just wanted to see his works, they were not disappointed except for the masses of people standing in place while the audio device talked.  There was a wealth of written stories of his life and times (he was quite the letter writer).  I guess I was would have preferred an exhibit of “The Essential Van Gogh” without the four floors of his paintings and those of his contemporaries.  Must see?  Yes, you must.  Just don’t feel guilty if you skip one or two (hundred) paintings.  (Great memory: Smiling Guard, in a loud voice and pointing finger; “NoooOOO  PICTuuuures!”)

Brunch was a large bacon and cheese sandwich at a park trailer.  Really good.

The Rijks Museum is just plain unfair.  If Van Gogh’s Museum was overfull of Van Gogh, the Rijks was overfull of everything.  We walked through one and half sections of maybe 12 sections?  The model ship room alone had at least 100 models.  Lots of details.  Two days of standing and looking was required.  Emphasis on standing.  My feet were in serious pain.  Walking worked OK, but standing was agony.  I think it was the sidewalk cobblestones.  Of course, climbing the Dom Tower in Utrecht to start the week didn’t help.  Must lose weight.

Strolled through stalls dominated by tulip bulbs.  The occasional cheese or chocolate store.  Took in the Rembrandt House (1606).  Very nice walk through.  A much simpler museum but also very well done.  There’s no denying that Amsterdam knows how to design Museums.  Most rooms have “bed boxes” that I really wanted to test.  There were several references to the problem that he taught his pupils so well, today controversies exist on which paintings are his and which are his students.  A good teacher, apparently.  A bad financier, as he lost the house and furnishings eventually.

Late lunch along the canal.  Rain.  An open tour boat (of the open bar variety) with everyone using identical large black umbrellas.  A floating pod of black mushrooms.  Bitterballen snack.  Very nice.  A touch of curry powder.

The Hermitage, originally where old (retired) women went to live out their days doing laundry for patrons.  It’s now an annex museum of the Hermitage in St. Petersburg.  Lovely layout and apparently a favorite of the city’s upper crust society.  In keeping with one portrait exhibit of the city’s founders, the hallways also have full-sized paintings of the museum’s current Board Members.  Ego is not a curse here.

Dinner again in Rembrandt Plaza (Place?).   A remarkable sample starter tray, then unremarkable ribs.  Rather disappointing.

Wednesday, Oct 24. Began with a reservation at Anne Frank’s house.  Yes, it is a “must-see” location.  Big time crowded.  Very organized.  It’s more than a 30 minute tour, though it largely depends on the people in front of you.  The entire tour is essentially a line.

Next, courtesy of an all-in-one city pass: Tulip Museum, Houseboat Museum, Canal Museum, Handbag Museum.  Skipped a Buddha Exhibit, within a church.  Did a fun Canal Cruise. (Hint: sit under one of the [open] moon roofs, so you can just stand up, hold your camera above the ceiling, and take pictures.)  Trams were free.  The I amsterdam Card is worth it for me.  Had a Dutch pancake, with apples and bacon.  For dinner had fried cheese rolls, spring rolls with spicy chicken, Beef croquette, and batter-fired sausage.  Plus Apple Pie.  One of the best ever.  Yoriko had blueberry cheesecake.  Also had “famous Dutch fries”, which were good, but unworthy of fame.  With all the walking I’m doing, I have no quilt.

Everyone continues to be very friendly.  I’ve yet to see a bicycle accident, which is remarkable.  Cobblestones are indeed hard on the feet.

Walked to train station, caught train to Utrecht, the primary city until the rise of Amsterdam.  Climbed the Dom Tower (guide required), about 300 feet, 467 steps (not to code).  There were four intermediate landings, making it easier than otherwise.  View was handicapped by poor weather, lots of chain-linked fencing, and renovating scaffolding.  But impressive anyway.

Lunch of Bouillabaisse.  Excellent.  (Three times today people mistook us as Dutch.  Two for directions, waiter for menus.)  Found an excellent cheese shop that’s also in Amsterdam.  Samples galore.  Also entered a bunch of chocolate shops.  Will-power ended with the last one.  Delicious.  Saw the famous (for Japanese) “Miffy cross-walk” signal.  Oldest building (a castle) is now a brew-hall.  Very crowded town.  This week is the Autumn school holiday.

Train back was in the “Silent Car”.  A women shushed us before we realized it.  Amsterdam Centraal is what Tokyo modeled their train station after.  It needs a serious cleaning.  Not as impressive as Tokyo’s.  Took a meandering walk back to the apartment.  Meandered our way (unintentionally) into the red light district.  Was not on my list.  Several “shops” are across from the oldest church in Amsterdam.  Didn’t check if one of them was the oldest of its kind in Amsterdam.  Big crowds continued.  There were a couple of soccer groupies drinking too much and singing to loudly.  Many police, all smiling and helpful to tourists.  Many of them women, which, in the red light district, seemed very appropriate in our new-age culture.

Had a simple dinner made up of food from the local supermarket.  They don’t take Visa or Mastercard(?).  Evening spent planning the next two days.  Lots to do.  It was a good day, though very tiring.  9 miles of walking, largely on cobblestones.

Monday, Oct 22.  Pleasant flight in a fairly new, very empty 787 Dreamliner.  Yoriko asked me to go sit somewhere else so she could stretch out across three seats.  What’s a loving husband to do?  I counted up the number of times I flew this year and the total is 26.  Not bad for a retiree.

Amsterdam Airport is very pretty.  Efficient exit.  Met Rick and Mary under the “Meet Here” sign.  Taxi into the city was in a Tesla SUV.  Gull wing doors.  Cool.  Entertaining driver.  (Everyone we’ve interacted with today has had excellent English.)  

AirBnb is fine, except the rooms are on the second floor, in a country where the first floor is one floor above the street.  So we climbed two floors of extremely narrow, curving steps.  Ouch.  Nice place, great view of a canal.

Walked through a market.  Cherry topped waffle for a snack.  A liquor store with Douglas Laing (my middle name) scotch.  Bought a bottle.  Dinner at an Irish pub.  Fairly large super market to buy water, wine and snacks.  Sore ankles.

Viking sent the inevitable email about travel changes.  Hotel Friday.  Bus ride to Mainz with a Cologne City Tour in the middle.  More to follow.  It’s worse than I’d expected, but the good news is we’ll apparently visit the Gutenberg Museum in Mainz, which has me excited.

The main local news in Germany for the past several months has been about the drought.  Nearly biblical in nature.   Cruise sites have been inundated with comments.  Complaints abound about cruise lines underplaying the problem and repeatedly forecasting rain.  With all that on my mind, I wrote the following satirical version of Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata.  I post it here for posterity.  BTW, Desiderata was NOT written in 1692, but in the early 20th century.

Desertonriver – Words to Cruise By

Go placidly amid the extreme low water,
and remember what peace there may be on buses.
As far as possible without confusion
be on good terms with all tour guides.
Speak your frustrations quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the loud ones behind you;
they too have their sad story.

Keep interested in the journey, however unplanned and mysterious;
it is what it is.
Exercise caution in getting off the bus;
for the cobblestones are full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to the beauty of industrial piers;
many dockworkers strive for cleanliness;
though everywhere life is full of raw sewage.

Be comforted in your cruising decision.
Especially, do not blame the cruise line.
Neither be cynical about false promises of rain;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as any business decision.

Take kindly the emptying of your wallet,
gracefully surrendering the trip’s expenses.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from last minute changes.
But do not distress yourself with forgotten toiletries.
Many losses are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome casting of blame,
be forgiving of your spouse.

You are a slave to the elements,
no less than the captain and crew;
you have a right to be screwed with.
And whether or not it is accepted by you,
no doubt the climate is changing as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with Mother Nature,
No matter how angry you are with her,
and whatever your hopes and expectations,
in the noisy confusion of swapping ships, keep peace with yourself.

With all its swaps, buses, and broken plans,
it is still a beautiful cruise.
Use your drinks package.
Strive to be (occasionally) sober.